Approaching 30, Not Married, & Unbothered.

Before you start reading, I am just 27 but I will be turning 28 soon. But whatever, read. I wrote some good stuff, I promise.

So, I am pretty sure everyone wanted me to write a home decor blog for my first official “blog” on my website. If you did not want that topic then I’m pretty sure you expected it but either way I figured I would touch on something more personal and relatable. Well, let’s not beat around the bush and get to it, shall we.

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I recently saw people on my timeline this year posting a meme saying “Did not get engaged on December 25th.” As if they were throwing shade to those that actually got engaged or just sad that you just didn’t get that ring this year. Or posting hints to get the single fellas to get your digits and marry you.  I highly understand the pressure of getting engaged/married before you turn 30. Your parents want to have a son in law and cute grand babies they can spoil rotten. On top of that, every year approaching 30 is a reminder that your biological clock is ticking. OH! also watching your best friends get married every year and having to buy a bridesmaid dress. Later on, every time you look in your closet you see those 15 bridesmaid dresses. (I only got three bridesmaid dresses just to clear the air… ONLY 3.)

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Another reminder that a girl just can’t find her knight in shiny armour any quicker than Mariah Carey can find her high note again. (Okay, that was a bit harsh because I love Mariah Carey but let’s carry on)

Sweetheart, I know the struggle is real but let’s get real somethings will happen with time.

Wait, now before you get on my case let’s break down why you should be unbothered (like me) about not being married before 30.

Marriage is not an accomplishment, it is work between two partners that love one another.

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It requires God, patience, communication, and whole lot of sacrifices. You have to give yourself fully and there is no room for selfishness. You have to be ready for that kind of commitment. My friends have shown me true love in their marriages. They love their husbands and they also are their best friend. So, it is safe to say I have great examples through my friends. I have watch some of them sacrifice holidays to be with their spouses’s loved ones instead of their own for a major holiday. And yes, sometimes you can’t always get what you want. Yes, that means you have to watch the way you spend so both y’all won’t be broke. (You just might have to give up going to Target every week. I know. How sad! What a nightmare!) Men , hide your kids and hide your credit cards.

DO not believe the HYPE . I have a love/ hate relationship for social media. It creates false images and insecurities. Every thing on social media is not golden I promise you. I have seen way too many couples post their every move and then break up and disappear like nothing happened. (Okay, I am guilty of this and I just stomped on my own toes. I am human. do not judge me. I was in college and in love.) Some people that post their happiness are actually happy but there are those few people that post just to make it seem like they are. I am not saying go to someone’s instagram and look at their pictures and imprint in your mind that “They may not be happy” to feed your own misery and sadness. I am just simply saying “DO NOT BELIEVE THE HYPE”! and Do not let social media stuff get to you. Be happy for others for once people.

There is not an age deadline for marriage/relationship of some sort. I repeat “There is not an age deadline for marriage.” Why do we give ourselves to 25 to get married? You can not even predict your future so why do we think we can tell ourselves at what age we should get married? I will be 28, still single and absolutely loving that I am. Why? Because I personally need the time to make myself available to my future husband by working on myself. I was in a 5-6 year relationship that required some healing and reflecting. I had to have time to figure out myself again and what I really wanted in a future relationship. That kind of reflecting takes time. You can not rush the process. Anything rushed will not last.

Lastly, You are not alone. There are plenty of women that are not married just yet. Woman that are working their butts off and still single just like you. You are not the only one working a full time job, chasing your dreams, and getting a masters. Heck, some y’all are working on a doctorate. I looked at a Steve Harvey show once about making room for what you want. He basically said “In order to receive a blessing you have to make room.” He told his mom that he is getting a new car and every time he mentioned getting a new car she responded  ” But you have not moved your old car yet off the street.” Think about it. Do you have time for a relationship/marriage? Are you in an emotional/physical/mental state for this kind of commitment? Spiritually, are you ready for something that will require you to focus on something other than yourself during this process? How is your relationship with God? Is it good? How often do you read about the roles of a husband and a wife in the bible? Are you ready for what the bible says according to God’s word? Have you made room for love in your heart from previous pain from old relationships?  If the answer to these question are No then maybe you have not made room for your blessing just yet. It is coming but you have to make room. You have to leave a lot of baggage in 2016 and build on what you learned.

I really hope that everyone had an awesome New Year. Even if you spent it alone, you woke up on January 1st, 2017 alive and well. That’s more of a blessing then getting a kiss under the fireworks. One day, you will get that moment but for now build to make that moment happen.

Sincerely,

Jamie Veniimg_05901

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63 thoughts on “Approaching 30, Not Married, & Unbothered.

  1. Brandi says:

    I am so glad that you have highlighted these important points. I think alot of single people get caught up in the hype of being married without realizing how much work it takes. I have been married almost 13 years and it’s hard work. I am so glad you have put this information out to enlightened others 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Brandon Avant says:

    This is amazing!! I felt the same way about this same subject! I’m 28 and still single but I’m loving it until God show me my way to my future wife. I have son to take care of and he all I need to keep me going. Thank you for the amazing words!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Brittany Lyn Schexnayder says:

    You hit it on the nail!

    I love me…I’m falling in love with me more and more each day.

    Because I know what it’s like to not love me.

    So I’m in no rush to get married. I’m getting closer to God, building a stronger ME, enjoying life, & waiting patiently for when He’s ready to match me with my lifetime partner.

    I love this!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Shondale Clark says:

    Loveeee it , I just turn 27 and I was feeling little down because I’m still single, not married , no kids . I see all my friends married with kids and I’m over here like when it’s my time.

    You hit it right on the head !!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sweet Weeks says:

    I Agree with your post. Take your time. Don’t rush into Marriage. It is definitely a life long commitment and alot of hard work. I’m married now 4 years after waiting 16 years. I m growing everyday in marriage. Be prepared to give alot to your spouse and don’t focus on just your needs, but because a blessing to your spouse. If you are not going to not focus on your self or be selfish. Stay single or your marriage will be horrible. Just wait watch and Pray.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Janeia M. says:

    This was amazing! I really needed this. I’m 21, pushing 22 and I thank you for your words of wisdom! Continue to be great and encouraging pleaaaaseeeee!! 😩💕

    Liked by 3 people

  7. themodernmedici says:

    I’m so glad one of my FB friends shared this. Marriage is definitely not an accomplishment, there’s tons of work to ensure it actually works. I’m a man but I can definitely relate to the pressure. Today is my 27th birthday so I was really dwelling on marriage and all that for a bit earlier. I can’t wait to read your future posts I loved this one!

    Liked by 2 people

    • venidecor says:

      Happy birthday to you! Don’t dwell on it too much! It’s a blessing that you got another year of life! We often try to speed up a process that was not meant to be sped. And thank you so much for reading my post! And tell your friend thanks for sharing my post! Means a lot to me!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Luceita says:

    You are so right. Marriage is not an accomplishment. Too often emphasis is put on the wedding day and not the work and sacrifices that come after. God’s timing is best. He never sends us into something unprepared. Thank you so much for sharing your words with us. 💛

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Brittish says:

    This was definitely a good read and makes a great point for us single women. It’s very hard especially with having two boys who needs that male figure. Everyday i am talking to God and asking for guidance and patience. Thanks for this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • venidecor says:

      Having someone else’s child does not stop something that God has for you. You have to keep in mind, we have a path in mind and then God has a path as well. Just because you see a speed bump in the way does stop you from moving forward. What I’m saying to you is there is hope even when we don’t see anything happening in our favor. Take you time. Wait according. When God says move, move. Don’t be afraid. Ask God for guidance and patience.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Demi says:

    Hey Jamie! Absolutely love your post! I started a Facebook page called “Living Single blog” and it’s pretty an outlet for singles to embrace their season of being single!!! But I love your transparency (because this can be a touchy subject for a lot of people especially women) how you acknowledged the fact that just because your single doesn’t mean your lonely, and that there are room of self improvement during this season! God bless you and keeping you lifted in this journey!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Christa says:

    Um.yes mam, this is very important for alot of people to learn. Especially about being focused on God. How can we expect Him to bring a man when we don’t spend time with Him already. I stumbled upon this post. And I want to thank you for being honest and transparent! Yasss Sista!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. mstamika15 says:

    I will be 30 in November. Been single for several years & have decided to refocus my life on the things I want versus looking for or wanting a man to get married to. I don’t know when it will happen or if it will happen. I go out to a lot of places by myself & do the things I enjoy. I recently applied to a graduate school program to start in the summertime. I get asked the question all the time when I’m getting married. I simply answer when God sents me my King until then I’m doing me & living my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Anonymous says:

    This would’ve been A1 if it weren’t for the fact that it’s heteronormative. I loved what you said until the focus of the blog was about a woman finding a “man” to marry. All single women aren’t only heterosexual.

    Like

    • venidecor says:

      Hello! Thanks for reading! I only write what I experience as a heterosexual woman. Sorry if this post offended you but I can write nor will I write in a point of view where I do not have experience. Have a blessed day!

      Like

  14. CK says:

    What a breath of fresh air. I just turned 28 and recovering from an extremely hard end to a 2 year engagement. I’m single again which is even tougher dealing with but I have a greater appreciation for my single life because it’s not all fun and games as some may think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • venidecor says:

      Well, I can understand that being tough to get through. Use what you learn from that experience and build on that. There are always lessons in life experiences we just have to figure out what we’re suppose learn during that time. And thank you for reading and sharing your story with me!

      Like

  15. Ricardo says:

    That moment when you really have to stop what your doing…. flip the pencil upside down rub out the plan and draw up a new one. Thank you for the read. A truly well put piece. May God grant favour glory joy and success for your days be long.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Can says:

    This piece was great, it held such an honesty; i am sure it spoke to a lot of people! May each piece you write be able to touch lives across the world! i especially loved the part about making room for a blessing 🙂 I am about to turn 31 this weekend and in this season of singleness i remind myself to above all trust in God’s timing.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Be Still Blog (@BeStill_Blog) says:

    This was an awesome read! Totally what I’m experiencing right now. There’s that pressure of “OMG I’m almost 30, and there is NO ONE IN SIGHT! 😥 “, yet there’s that other side where you’re busy trying to get your life together and might…possibly… be willing to have a relationship, but not quite ready to be married yet… which then would defeat the ENTIRE purpose of starting a relationship in the first place. It’s just that back and forth struggle that really consumes us all…sigh.

    -Kay
    http://bestill777.blogspot.ca/

    Like

  18. Michaela Cunningham says:

    Thank you so much for your blog. It has been so encouraging to read and just the reminder I needed right now. I’m 25 going on 26 and sometimes driving down single boulevard is tough. But your article has restored my hope and focus. God knows what He’s doing and nothing happens before the time.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Will definitely share this with others! God bless!

    Michaela

    Like

  19. jiz says:

    Love your post. Could not be more on point. Some people have taken marriage as a trend now which upsets me. People definitely need to work more on themselves and by this i mean have a relationship with God. He is the only one who let us know ourselves better because we sometimes do not even know ourselves but live by society norms. I am definitely anticipating you next post. God bless and keep doing God’s work for your words were definitely inspired by him.

    Like

  20. Bri says:

    I so needed to hear this this morning. I’m 30 and these things were on my mind. This was very comforting and also made me reflect on certain things. Thank you

    Like

  21. Lindani says:

    I’m enduring this same problem right now and upon coming across this article, it hit some senses into my head I’m 27 turning 28 and I was wondering the same exact thing, I only got 2 more years and my relationship I’m in now for almost 3 years doesn’t seems lik it heading down that marriage Lane anymore,and Im tired I’m really tired of it. So when I read your story it gives me the courage to give up on this dramatic relationship I’m in because he isn’t making me happy now and he won’t make me any happier while we’re married, so I won’t waste my time running into something I know wouldn’t last.! I’ll take your advice and focus on myself and wait until God placed the right person in my life for me. Thanks again for sharing ur story with us.

    Like

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